Colin's Crisp Quips

Words to quote to people whom you do not wish to befriend.

These quips have been tested on humans and
the results weren't very nice.

If you wish to use these quotes by Colin Perini for personal or public or political use,
you are really in need of retrospective introspection.

If I'm 75% water, aren't I in danger of dissolving in a swimming pool?

You've got old age when you go to a museum and your childhood is on display.

'By saving for a rainy day, do I create one?'

'Should I save all of my lost opportunities for the poor people?'

'If I go beyond my limits, then they weren't.'

'If I wasn't late would I still be here?'

'If I fulfil my potential, what will I do next?'

'Let's holiday at the last resort'

'Please everybody, stay behind your noses'

'A bag of chips off the old block please'

‘If I put off the inevitable, am I left with the improbable?

'Apart from the differences this is identical '

'I am not the same as I always wasn't'

'Can I be a shadow of my former self on a cloudy day?'

'It's time that I stopped not starting'

'Before we begin, let's get started'

'Please pass the salt on the freeway'

'I laughed at the mirror as it mocked me'

'Time the watch but watch the time'

'I lost my memory in my imagination'

'For a time I arrived on time and in time'

'How long is a moment and a moment later?'

'I held my breath while she held my hand'

'I procrastinated at the speed of light'

'I won't be long even if I'm short for a tall guy'

'Let's go back to where we've never been'

'Is everything piled together bigger than infinity?''

'I'm certain that I'm not really sure'

'How do you know if you are asleep?'

'Time is either side of now'

'I changed my mind but it changed itself back'

'I broke a world record so I bought another one'

‘Experience has made me ready for things that won’t happen again.’

'I woke up one morning or was it a dream?'

'I suddenly remembered that I had a brain'

'I recall the memories of my memories'

'I crossed the river but later I had to untie it'

'I was there for an hour before my brain arrived'

‘Do I have a past or only memories of what I imagine it was like?

'I changed my mind and threw the old one away'

'She said she loved me and I said I love me too'

‘Let's wait for later, now is taking too long’

'If I miss a bus, how much will I miss my wife?

'Where exactly is the middle of nowhere?

'Life is somehow squashed between the past and the future'

'Time is what you spend when you run out of money'

'Death is the easy way out, imagine if you had to live here forever'

'The purpose of life? Avoid death!'

'Is god religious?'

'Is history really the past or just his story?'

'Have I got a future or just more of now?'

'Life is a series of disasters that ends in death'

'If I forget to remember will I recall that?'

'I am the only one who remembers my past... very convenient'

'Who ever thinks of washing the soap?'

'If I'm early for an appointment, should I charge the doctor?

'Is a short time less than just a moment?'

'When i die and go to heaven will my cosmetic surgery still be valid?'

If when you die there is no after-life, how will you know? How will you let us know?